That title’s a bit misleading, but I like the way it sounds, so we’re rolling with it. I’ll make it work.
Throughout my life, I have always been a fan of at least one piece of media. Usually more than one at a time, but always at least once. Even before I knew what being “a fan” meant. And I mean, pretty much since the day I was born—certainly since I can remember, anyway. It might sound weird, or even impossible, being that kids tend to bounce from thing to thing as they explore and learn about the world and start to figure out what they like. Most kids are mercurial in their affections, loving something one day and hating it the next for no obvious reason. Some kids aren’t like this. I mean, there are always exceptions.
I wasn’t like that. The first thing I remember loving is Winnie the Pooh. More specifically Tigger and Eeyore, who were my favourite characters. I watched the VHS tapes of the TV show every day, and Winnie the Pooh books were some of the first I read. There was also a Richard Scarry book I was obsessed with (I unfortunately don’t remember the title of it). But Winnie the Pooh was the first thing that made a last impression on me—I still love Winnie the Pooh.
But even before Winnie the Pooh, there was Star Trek.
If you don’t know me and thus haven’t heard the stories, that’s going to seem weird to you, that a toddler was obsessed with Star Trek. Maybe even impossible? How could a kid understand a show like Star Trek? I didn’t. I didn’t start to understand the show until I was 5 or 6, and even then, only on the most basic of levels. But Star Trek was in my life before I was even born. My parents watched Star Trek: The Next Generation when my mom was pregnant with me, and I was always fascinated with it. When we visited my dad’s parents in Richmond Hill, I would watch reruns of the original Star Trek (and also reruns of Adam West’s Batman, but that’s another paragraph) since they didn’t get many channels, and I liked the bright colours and dramatics of Star Trek. I knew enough to know it and Next Gen were related, but I don’t think I understood the concept of a timeline until later. I was allowed to stay up late to watch Next Gen as a kid, Wesley Crusher was my first crush, and, if you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, for a while my answer was “the Enterprise.” Yes, the ship. Yes, I was a weird kid. I also used to call Captain Picard, Captain Pikirk, which is something I got to tell Sir Patrick Stewart at a convention a few years ago, and which I’m pleased he found amusing.
I have loved Star Trek my whole life. Similarly, I have loved Batman for almost as long.
I’ve already said I used to watch Adam West’s Batman, because it was bright and I found it funny as a kid. Batman and Robin were recognizable characters, and in 1992 when Batman: The Animated Series came out, I was immediately hooked. Was it too dark for a three-year-old to watch? Probably. Did I care? Nope. My parents didn’t either, thankfully. Batman: The Animated Series is still one of the best shows I’ve ever watched and when I bought the DVDs in university and rewatched it, it was a stronger experience than I could have been prepared for. I was twenty years old, sitting on the floor of my apartment, but I could vividly recall sitting in the basement of my childhood home, in front of the big wood-framed TV that sat on the floor, watching the same episodes. I actually cried, though that’s not saying much since it doesn’t take a lot to move to me to tears. Around the same time I wanted to be the Enterprise, if you asked what I wanted for Christmas, my answer was “the Batmobile.”
Until I was about five or six, there were only boys around for me to play with on my street, and I played with Hot Wheels, action figures, Pogs (ugh, I miss Pogs), and LEGO more than anything else. I didn’t own many Barbies or anything until I was a bit older, and only then because the little girl who moved in next door had them and I wanted to play with her. I sold all my Barbies when I was twelve or so, and pretty soon after that turned back to my sci-fi and superhero roots. I was always in love with Beanie Babies though. I still have some, somewhere.
There was an anime phase in there, where Pokemon, Digimon, Yo-Gi-Oh!, Beyblade, InuYasha, and a few others all took turns being the centre of my world. I would get attached to certain characters (I went to school with my cheeks painted with blue triangles like Kai from Beyblade one day), and for a while, I would be consumed by a certain show. And there were always a handful of books I was obsessed with (this is still true), but that side of things existed on a different level than my attachments to visual media. I could speculate as to why, by books are my first love when it comes to media (the library I’m slowly amassing is testament to that).
My love for Star Trek slid to the background for a long time, especially when, in 2005, Batman Begins came out and my love for the Caped Crusader surged back to the forefront; that fact that he was going to be played by Christian Bale didn’t hurt either. Encouraged by my history teacher to be my nerdy, weird self, I started reading comics and getting really into superheroes. I only really knew Batman and the X-Men at this point, thanks to the early-2000s movies, but I was eager to learn more about them. A few years later, in 2008, Iron Man came out, and my attention turned fully to Marvel because I was, to put it mildly, blown away by how bright and fun that movie was, especially compared to Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy (don’t get me wrong, I love that trilogy with my whole-ass heart, but by the time I was starting university, I was ready for hope and fun and brightness with my superheroes). Robert Downey Jr. was endlessly charming and my soul was sold to the Marvel Cinematic Universe before it was even a thing. Before I’d even realized what happened.
You can probably guess that my love for superheroes never went away and that the MCU was the next fandom that took over my life. It still is. It wasn’t really that surprising, to be honest.
What did surprise me, was in 2009, when JJ Abrams’s Star Trek came out. By that point, my best friend and I knew everything about each other and we knew we’d both loved Star Trek when we were younger, and we were EXCITED to have something new to watch together. Our Star Trek, we called it. And, the first time we saw the movie in theatres, we held hands and cried during the credits because we were just so happy. My love for Star Trek has only grown since then, and I’m currently in the middle of rewatching and watching all of it. Star Trek is a beautiful franchise and I never would have guessed my love for it would come back as hard as it has, let alone that it would grow.
I don’t know why I’ve always latched onto pieces of media the way I have. I could make some educated guesses. I could also guess that my attachment to media got stronger after my parents divorced because of the familiarity, safety, and stability I found there, but I’m not an expert. But the reality is that I have always found comfort in shows and movies and books and video games. I haven’t talked about Mass Effect or The Last of Us, both of which are video game series that have changed my life and mean a lot to me. I love Mass Effect as much as Star Trek or the MCU. It’s a world I love to inhabit, and the control I feel in (most ) video games is always beneficial to my mental health when I feel overwhelmed or stressed. I retreat to the shows and movies and games and books I love when the world gets to be too much. Sometimes I prefer to spend my time with fictional characters. This could also have something to do with me being a writer. I love to create worlds and characters and stories—and I taught myself to write by writing fanfiction, by playing in the worlds I already knew and loved so much. Worlds that were already a part of me.
I like to joke that I never stood a chance, that I was always going to be a nerd. And I know being a nerd isn’t a bad thing anymore really, certainly not like it was when I was little, but the truth is, I never cared if people called me a nerd. I like being a nerd, and I’ve never been ashamed to say that I love Star Trek, Batman, X-Men, Mass Effect or any of the other shows, movies, books, or video games that have taken up large portions of my life. They’re one of the things that make me happy, and I firmly believe that, as long as no one is being hurt, you shouldn’t be ashamed of something that brings you joy.
So no, I don’t know why I’ve always gravitated towards fiction, but I’m glad of it. I’m glad Star Trek and Batman have been with me for most, if not all, of my life, and I’m glad I’ve had the MCU for the past thirteen years. I’m glad of the characters I love and look up to or see part of myself in. I’m glad Captain America became my favourite superhero when I needed hope and determination and goodness in my life most, supplanting Batman after twenty-two years.
I don’t really interact with fandoms anymore (outside of writing my MCU fanfiction), because fandoms can be toxic and scary and I can’t handle it anymore, but I’ve been a fan of things pretty much since I was born. So have most people, even if they don’t think of it that way. But being a fan of Star Trek and superheroes is a core part of my identity and something I genuinely love about myself. I’m not afraid to say how much I love something and I’m not afraid to talk about it. Someone I cared deeply for once told me that the best thing about me was how enthusiastic I am about the things I love, and let me tell you that was the best compliment I’ve ever received.
…Maybe I should have titled this “of Star Trek and superheroes.”
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vampires, spaceships, and fantastical worlds—the tales of L.E. Teetzel 
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