vampires, spaceships, and fantastical worlds—the tales of L.E. Teetzel

Do I know why I find all of these comforting? Nope. I can guess at the ones I don’t know, but I’m not here to wax poetic about my psychological shit. Though I’m sure it’ll come up.

But no judgement, okay? I know these are weird comfort movies. (Except maybe Knives Out and Glass Onion, but those are like, the least weird of the ten.)

The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

1. I am naturally a very curious person and I enjoy learning about people and their experiences and thought processes and how they interact with the world because everyone is so different and the world is so different to anyone. I also have a fascination about darker things, so serial killers and profiling (even though I don’t understand a lot of it) rank pretty high with me. I find the first morbidly fascinating and the latter just mind-boggling with how it works and how well it can and has worked, as well as how much it’s still evolving. I’m not into the sensationalism of true crime, and I don’t want/read/listen to a lot of it, but having those fascinations makes at least one reason this movie ranks so high with me (and a lot of others) pretty clear. This movie is one of the few I consider as perfect as a movie can be, and did a lot to further my fascination with serial killers and cannibals in particular (also how rare cannibalism actually is). Also made Hannibal one of my favourite characters. Anthony Hopkins is my second favourite though, because Mads Mikkelsen knocked it out of the park (but he had a lot more time to play Hannibal).
2. I think one aspect of this movie that really showcases its brilliance is that it shows the characters as multifaceted without making those who are the evil of the movie sympathetic. Dr. Chilton studies and treats those are who “criminally insane” but also tortures them and delights in doing so. He takes advantage of those who are supposed to be under his care to live out his own fantasies of power and control. (I hate Dr. Chilton.) Buffalo Bill is a horrid murderer who can’t see his victims as people (calling them “it”) and is probably incapable of human emotions the way most understand them, but yet he cares for his dog and his moths from eggs, raising them to maturity; I would argue against the scientist calling it “love,” but he does nurture them. Clarice is a dedicated student and FBI agent, eager to use her skills to help save lives, yet she remains and empathetic and caring woman; displaying stereotypical feminine traits in a stereotypical male environment. Hannibal is probably the best and most famous example of this: he is a cannibal who is capable of manipulating people to his whims, but he is also incredibly smart and a skilled artist, and, perhaps most disturbingly, easy to like. (The fact that they still call him “Dr. Lecter” is baffling to me.)
3. The lead-in to the climax of this movie is so well done. The shot of the house you think Buffalo Bill is in as the FBI approach and then the reveal that they’re at an empty house and Clarice is on her own… SO GOOD.

10 death’s-head hawkmoths out of 10.

Twister (1996)

1. First of all, you have to know that I am terrified or tornados. Like, to an irrational degree, considering I don’t like somewhere where they’ll terribly likely, nor have I ever seen one in real life. I also know that, rationally, they’re relatively easy to get away from and they’re not likely to cause much damage, especially the ones we usually get around where I live (though most of the time they don’t grow past the funnel cloud stage). But I’ve always loved this movie and I honestly think it’s because they make tornados a little ridiculous? Like, the storm growls in the opening scene, and not like a storm growls or roars, but like an animal. And while they don’t really say the storm is back for Jo and her family, they really make it seem like the F5 storm has it out for her. Personifying weather really makes it easier to not fear it. Not that I don’t still have nightmares about tornadoes occasionally. And if I think too hard about parts of this movie I get anxious.
2. I don’t know what it is about the movies I watch lately, but Cary Elwes keeps showing up. Not that I didn’t know he was in this movie already, but he just keeps popping up and he usually plays a villain? Why is it about him that’s so good about playing slimeballs? He didn’t play one in Dracula but I definitley didn’t know he was in that movie and was surprised when he showed up. Honestly really enjoy actors like that, who show up all over the place but aren’t super famous. Can lead to some really fun parts I think.
3. It’s also great how the relationship angle doesn’t involve a lot of drama. No one is catty, no one is fighting for Bil’s attention—none of the typical stuff portrayed in movies. Melissa realizes Bill is missing something that’s important to him, something she can’t provide, and she steps back after making a real effort to get to know this part of him and this world that she’s never experienced before. (She’s also the audience’s way in, as they can explain technically stuff to her.) She deserves better, and so does he. No one is made to be the villain, and there isn’t begging or wailing or anything. Jo even really tries to let Bill go by signing the divorce papers. It’s a rather mature way to handle relationships, especially in movies, even if the romance is a subplot.

6 steak-and-egg breakfasts out of 10.

BONUS: Philip Seymour Hoffman as Dusty is my favourite part of this movie. What a goon (affectionate).

The Thing (1982)

1. I’m a big fan of John Carpenter (on the list of my fave directors), and this is my favourite movie of his (Followed very closely by Halloween). I love how isolated and tense and anxious the whole thing is (she says, as a person with severe diagnosed anxiety), and, outside of the alien aspect, how real the human response and actions are. Yes, it’s a sci-fi/horror, but if humans as we are today were faced with this situation or one similar to it, the blame and paranoia and panic is exactly what would happen. Fear can make monsters of us all and that’s what we see here, right down to the opening scene where they’re trying to shoot the poor dog who has no idea what’s going on (if I could change one thing it’d be that the dogs were spared; please affect human DNA only please).
2. I don’t know about you, but I find a tangled, twisted mass of human-esque limbs and faces after seeing some really strange things, I’m not going to bring it back to my base. I’m going to take a bunch of pictures and stuff, but I am not bringing something like that inside, especially when we can’t get ahold of anyone else to let them know what’s going on. Definitely a case of “put that things back where it came from or so help me.” BUT I will give them this: they do figure out what’s going on pretty quickly, even if it’s not quick enough. I don’t know how the computer can give the doctor the info it does (at least not written out as clearly as it is for the audience’s sake), but they get the answer in the first half of the movie—then they just have to deal with it. Which is where things fall apart because people, especially when they’re scared and faced with the deaths of those they care about, are prone to act stupid. Or go a little crazy like Blair when the paranoia gets to you.
3. But yes, the last thought for this movie is to praise the effects because my god they are good. I adore practical effects (I have no hatred fro CGI except when it’s used to exploit animators and artists into working crunch hours), and these are particularly good. The artistry, the sculpting, the sheer gory beauty of these things. It’s done so freaking well. I also love the effect of using the dog from the other camp to show something’s not right, that the dog isn’t acting like a normal dog. The two scenes that always get me are when it’s watching MacReady and the doctor come back and it doesn’t bark. Just watches. And then when it goes into the pen with the other dogs and just… slowly, awkwardly lies down and the other dogs just stare at it. Animals are always the first indicator that something is wrong.

10 flamethrowers out of 10.

Contagion (2011)

1. When I tell you that this movie became a comfort movie within the last four years, it’s not going to take a genius to figure out why. Spreading pandemic, people dying, chaos online and in the streets, and they find a cure and save everyone and things can go back to normal. It’s almost like we lived through and are still living through a pandemic that spread fear and chaos and death except that we never found a cure and now we’re just sort of… living with it. It sucks and is scary and I could go on and on but this isn’t the place for that. The important part is that seeing people, companies, governments, the world come together to solve the problem and cure people… that is the ideal scenario and watching it play out in a movie helped me feel better when I was at my most scared and unsure. Before sometime in 2020, when I sat down with my roommate at the time to watch this movie, I’d never seen it or even really thought about it. Now I probably watch it once or twice a year both for that reassuring feeling and because I genuinely like the structure and the way they conveyed the panic and fear and how correct they actually were. Plus it just has a stellar cast and I’m a sucker for movies where various stories entwine and connect.
2. Despite that stellar cast, Matt Damon is by far the standout in this movie for me. He’s a great actor, don’t get me wrong, but it’s the relatability of his story and character, especially after going through the pandmeic and seeing how people reacted. He is very much the everyman in this movie, the clearest way in the for the audience. I can’t imagine what it was like to watch this movie before 2020 and wonder how realistic it was or thinking it could never happen… and then it did. I also particularly relate to Damon’s character as I’ve managed to not catch Covid at all, despite several friends and family members having it, and more than once I’ve wondered if, like Damon’s character, I’m immune (I doubt it, but the thought is there).
3. On a less serious note, there are some truly hateful characters in this movie, archetypes we’ve seen all too often since 2020. The worst part is, for the most part, you can understand why they’re acting the way they are, but for the love of god why don’t people just listen to scientists. Except for Jude Law’s character. He’s just a greedy ass and I want to punch him in the face.

7 inflatable orange biohazard suits out of 10.

BONUS THOUGHT: This movie has the potential after 2020 to make some people seriously paranoid (and probably even before 2020). I am not one of those people (I am very much not germophobic and I am very much not squeamish either) and that plays a huge role in why this movie is on my strange comfort movie list.