vampires, spaceships, and fantastical worlds—the tales of L.E. Teetzel

There are few things I love more than Star Trek of (almost; I loathe The Animated Series) any flavour so of course I was going to do a retrospective of the franchise. Also, I’ve been using watching newer Star Treks as a reward for finally getting through DS9, so… Yeah. Why not combine them? Also there’s some pure hilarity in TOS just because of when it was made. But yeah. Star Trek makes me super happy so here we go!

Oh, a quick note: I’m watching the episodes in the order they appear on Paramount+.

Another note just for my proofreading sanity: Star Trek (roman) refers to the franchise; Star Trek (italics) refers to TOS. All show titles will be italicized. Episode titles will be in quotes.

Season 1, Episode 0: The Cage

1. “The Cage,” for those not in the know, is the original pilot for Star Trek, and clips from it were later reused in another episode, “The Menagerie.” A lot of the bones of the show are clearly visible in this pilot, but there are also some glaring differences. It also makes me wonder why some changes were made, though I know some of them would have been because of the time filming was taking place. We lose having a women in the role of Number One (I love Majel Barrett as Number One and wish she could have hung around), but we gain more women in the cast—not to mention a black woman on the bridge (along with a Russian man and a Japanese man which would have been a big deal at the time)—with more time on screen, we also lose Pike’s “can’t get used to having a woman on the bridge” nonsense (thank god), Spock becomes more human, the technology becomes more futuristic, which is a weird thing to say but the tech in this episode is a lot more violent and rough, we gain Bones as the doctor (which is a HUGE benefit to the show, no offense to the original guy)—actually, we gain the rest of the beloved cast except Spock—and overall there just seems to be more of a sense of lore and the world once we get to the actual series. This is to be expected since this was a pilot and pilots often differ greatly from the actual show, but this episode, while good, feels more and more lacking every time I watch it. But then, I am very attached to the show we got.
2. Okay, like it makes sense that Vina is creepy, since she didn’t grow up with actual humans, but she is really creepy and if I was Pike, I wouldn’t have trusted her or anything on that planet for a second. Not until they were back on the Enterprise and could be checked over properly. I can’t even really blame Pike because Kirk would do exactly the same thing, except that he would have a better-realized Spock and Bones in his ear telling him to start thinking with his upstairs brain.
3. Obviously I have my issues with this episode (mostly around the treatment of women; Pike has some issues in that area as well as with anger), but I really do love the human-in-a-zoo concept because honestly, it makes sense. Why do we put animals in zoos? (Or in decent, reputable, proper zoos, anyway.) So we can study them. Of course aliens smarter than us would put us in zoos to study us and experiment on us to understand us. I really love the scene when we meet the butthead aliens and the head butthead alien is predicting Pike’s every move. It’s creepy and really establishes who the crew, or rather, who Pike is dealing with. And I really do like the butthead aliens. (Yes I know they’re called Talosians, but that’s not as fun.) They’re a good villain.

5 alien buttheads out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 1: The Man Trap

1. There is something SO creepy about a being who changes their appearance to look appealing to each man in the room. There’s a lot of creepy aliens in the Star Trek franchise, but this is just… unsettling. But then, I’m demisexual and sex and attraction are never forefront in my mind. I will however say that I appreciate that Kirk’s version of the woman has silver in her hair and isn’t just a gorgeous young woman, because that would have been expected. Maybe not in the 1960s though? I also like the combo of creepy shapeshifter with the murder-by-salt-deficiency. Say what you want about this franchise, but they definitely did some different things that created genre tropes and subverted them. I often think this while watching, but I truly cannot imagine watching this show when it first aired. It must have been wild.
2. Something I never noticed about the first captain’s log entry in each episode is that it’s retrospective and seems to be coming from a point after the fact, while the rest of them serve as recaps for after the commercials, which is a smart way to do it. Seems like it’s a bit of an underused tool. They could have done some cool stuff with unreliable narration.
3. I don’t know what order Paramount+ has the episodes in (I just know they’re not the right order for the internal chronology of the show since it makes more sense for “Where No Man Has Gone Before” to come first), but watching in this order makes it apparent just how much better the chemistry is between the crew we know and the crew in the pilot, particularly between Kirk, Spock, and Bones. The way they bounce off each other is endearing as hell. It’s almost impossible not to love them. I also love lines of dialogue like “Try one of those red pills you gave me last week. You’ll sleep.” because it implies this world goes on outside the bits we get to see. Good chemistry between characters and little moments like that what make shows resonate with audiences the way the Star Trek franchise has, and I firmly believe that. Though healthy doses of adventure and space obviously don’t hurt.

7 salt tablets out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 2: Charlie “X”

1. This episode makes me so uncomfortable and it’s wholly because of Charlie. Part of that is the way the actor uses his gaze and that he so rarely blinks, but a lot of that is the character himself. Granted, he hasn’t been around humans a lot and doesn’t know what’s considered right or wrong, but he’s also stubborn and uses his powers to get what he wants. A teenager with powers is dangerous in any universe, but one who doesn’t know how to behave respectively and doesn’t seem super willing to learn because even after he’s told how things should be done to not hurt, scare, or offend anyone, he’ll use his powers to do something anyway. Some of the things he does, like replacing synthetic meatloaf with real turkeys, is definitely in the realm of teenage mischief, but then losing his temper and melting the chess pieces is actually scary. Especially after they discover the ship he came from has been blown up. Clearly this boy is a serious threat.
2. Janice is really the star of this episode though. I love that we got an episode with her in such an important role since it would be so easy to disregard the captain’s yeoman and relegate her to the background. Also, she goes to Kirk and tells him she’s worried that things with Charlie will escalate and he actually tries to do something about it. The crew are all in a very difficult position with Charlie and they really do try to handle it in a gentle and careful way, which is admirable. Kirk only raises his voice when Charlie raises his and Charlie’s stubborn, greedy, almost primal streak becomes apparent. (“Primal” because he hasn’t grown up around humans and doesn’t respect human life and he doesn’t know or understand societal niceties.) But in the last half of the episode, when Charlie starts to make people disappear, he also crosses the line into abusive and controlling with Janice. He’s scary as hell. (As is his punishment, to be frank.)
3. Unrelated to Charlie: my suspension of disbelief skills are amazing but sometimes even I have trouble with the supposedly high-tech stuff on the Enterprise in TOS. The “gym” in this episode is particularly bad.

7 melted chess pieces out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 3: Where No Man Has Gone Before

1. I hate these turtleneck uniforms. (And Kirk’s chartreuse dress uniform from the beginning of the last episode.) But these ones (which were the uniforms from “The Cage”) just do not do for me. I think it’s the colours of them mostly, because wearing sweaters in space actually makes sense. Also, they look like velour, which just makes me think of Captain Zapp Brannigan from Futurama, which makes sense since Zapp is a Kirk/Shatner parody, but still.

2. There’s a lot about this episode that’s confusing, which is why I’m pretty sure it was the first episode filmed after “The Cage.” I don’t know why it comes third in the episodes on Paramount+ and Netflix, but I assume it has something to do with when it aired or something. Anyway, Scotty is in this episode but not in the first two; Bones isn’t in this episode but is in the first two; Janice isn’t here; Sulu’s here but he’s wearing blue; Spock’s wearing yellow; I already mentioned the uniforms but there is no actual red shirt in this episode—it’s this ugly beige/orange colour; Uhura’s not here; we deal with ESP and “espers” which was, I believe, a new concept in the 1960s and something that was being heavily studied, which is weird only in that it was and is a very real-world thing being dealt with directly (rather than with a sci-fi analog) which doesn’t happen often in Star Trek. There are also some similarities between this episode and the plot of Star Trek: The Motion Picture which is weird but not that weird.
3. Having two episodes in a row about taking over the ship kind of limits the impact of this one. Like I said, I don’t think they aired in the same order they’re shown on Paramount+/Netflix, but I don’t know for sure. Sure there’s enough different that it doesn’t feel super repetitive but there’s enough that I kind of lose interest, though this is objectively the better episode (even without Bones and Uhura), if only because Gary and Elizabeth don’t make me uncomfortable like Charlie does. Love the silver contacts though. Also, can’t help thinking these two episodes are like, proto-Q episodes.

6 ugly beige uniform shirts out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 4: The Naked Time

1. This is one of my favourite episodes of TOS, because it is chaotic. There’s also a solid mystery the crew needs to figure out, one the audience actually understands better than the characters for most of the episode, which makes it simultaneously a fun and frustrating watch for me. The crew gets up to shenanigans, but at the same time, I’m sitting here like come on figure it out please stop the chaos, and I really really wish we got to hear some conversations in the days following the outbreak because I’m sure it would be hilarious. We also get to see the well-known and -loved dynamics between Kirk and Spock, Spock and Bones, and, my favourite, Kirk and Scotty where the captain asks for something impossible and Scotty says “nope can’t do that” and Kirk’s like “but we need you too” and Scotty’s like “well we could try this but we might all die” and Kirk’s like “all right do it” and he does and they survive. Scotty is deus ex machina in human form and it’s perfection.
2. This episode is also the introduction of Nurse Chapel, the role that Majel Barrett took on after playing Number One in “The Cage.” I adore the fact that Majel was a part of Star Trek from it’s inception until her death (and even after), both as on-screen characters and the voice of the Enterprise. So much of her and Roddenberry’s love for each other and this show is near-tangible and it makes me just so happy. I wish Nurse Chapel was around a lot more than she is, but then I also wish this for Lwaxana in The Next Generation, as she is one of my favourite characters.
3. This doesn’t just apply to this episode, but this is the first one in this rewatch that made me go “ah, yes.” I love the sounds in Star Trek, like the ambient noises and the bridge sound effects, particularly the sound of the heart beat monitor. Something about it is just soothing to me, even more so than the rest of the noises. They’re used in all Star Treks and in other shows like Futurama, and hearing them is automatically comforting for me. And, in an odd coincidence, the crickets where I live sound like the scanner pings on the bridge, so spring, summer, and fall nights sound like the bridge of the Enterprise to me and I love it.

8 swashbucklin’ Sulus out of 10.

BONUS: Can we talk about this exchange—Sulu: “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you, fair maiden!” Uhura: “Sorry—neither!” What a badass. I love her so much.

Season 1, Episode 5: The Enemy Within

1. Time for a TRANSPORTER MALFUNCTION! There are some staple plot devices in Star Trek, and the transporter malfunctioning is one that is used through all the series. Some people complain about it but I love it. It lets viewers know what sort of episode they’re getting, but they do a lot of different things with the transporter and having tech that can go wrong is so many ways is just… core sci-fi.
2. This is pre-Mirror Universe stuff, which became a staple for Star Trek, but clones/duplicates are also core sci-fi, which makes this episode just kind of awesome? There’s a lot to be said for the division of intellectual and physical in this episode and the effect it has on someone (basically that they can’t be a whole, complete, functioning human without both sides and everything that come with them, even anger and violence) but also it’s just a fun chance to see William Shatner ham it up all over the screen. This is honestly one of my favourite episodes of The Original Series. Especially since they mark the evil Krik with eyeliner. Chef’s kiss. But yeah, the intersection of a study of humanity through technology (and put on a clock with having to save the ground team) is Star Trek at its best.
3. Of course there are more serious moments in this episode, like evil Kirk’s assault of Janice Rand. She fought back and, honestly, for the mid-60s I think they handled this situation pretty well. It would have, of course, been viewed in a different light back then, but Janice is never blamed or made to feel as less-than for what happened. Nor is she punished for fighting back, harming who she thought was her captain. I mean, Kirk yells a bit, but I think anyone would yell if there was someone going around pretending to be you and doing horrible things. My biggest issue is Janice saying she wouldn’t have mentioned the incident if someone else hadn’t seen “Kirk” leaving her room, but again, different times. Handling of situations like this is always a complicated thing, and thoughts about them can get complicated when you’re watching stuff from many years ago.

8 bottles of Saurian brandy out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 6: Mudd’s Women

1. I hate Mudd. Doesn’t matter who plays him or anything—I hate him. Not only is he a slaver, a muggler, a thief, a liar, a cheat, and many other awful things (but honestly the buck stops with slaver), he’s annoying as all get-out. And he’s controlling of the women. AND a manipulator. UGH. Hate him.
2. I’m also just not a fan of the plotline of “wiving settlers.” Drugs to make the women look younger for the sake of men. Miners demanding the women as trade “as long as they like them.” Nope. No thanks. Thankfully Kirk and crew are better than that. Still wish this wasn’t the episode though. I think the same things could have been done without making them cargo/slaves.
3. I do, however, love Eve. She’s a spitfire and her scenes with the miner at the end of the episode are pretty good. She puts the miner in his place and I love it.

4 burned lithium crystals out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 7: What Are Little Girls Made Of?

1. IT’S TIME FOR ANDROIDS and an episode featuring Nurse Chapel! I love when we get an episode in any series that heavily features/focuses on a recurring character like Christine. It’s always interesting watching this episode while knowing what androids become in the Star Trek universe. Also interesting that these ones have grown beyond their programming in the “traditional” way. Data and Lore grow beyond their programming because they have been programmed to learn. Whether it be technology or programming or what, these androids are so different and inferior to the ones created only about 95 years later by Dr. Soong.
2. I forgot this was the penis rock episode! I wonder if that came up at all while filming…

3. It’s occurring to me now just how many episode there are that deal with some kind of duplicate. I don’t mind, because the episodes are good and different enough, but just something I’ve never really noticed or thought about before. There really are only so many tropes to use and stories to tell, after all, and, like I’ve said in this post before, whenever Star Trek questions what it means to be human, we usually get a good episode. Or, at the very least, one that makes you think.

7 pairs of weird blue and green overalls out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 8: Miri

1. GRUPS GRUPS GRUPS GRUPS GRUPS genuinely that’s what goes through my head whenever I watch this episode. It’s just fun to say.
2. But on the other hand, this episode makes me uncomfortable. I KNOW Miri isn’t actually a kid but she looks like a kid and they treat her like a kid but the fact that her and Kirk have a ~connection~ of some sort is weird. Thankfully they never go anywhere weird with it—to me, it seems like they treat it more like a kid who has a crush on their teacher, which is a normal thing that happens—but it still gives me a little bit of an icky feeling. But that might have more to do with the lighting and/or some of the dialogue choices they made. I don’t think they ever intended it to be anything icky. Or maybe it’s just the idea of people with the minds of children being alive and without supervision for hundreds of years. These children are creepy.
3. I do really like the puzzle-solving aspect of this episode though, especially because it’s the main focus. They have to figure out what happened on the planet, how to cure the disease to save the crew and Miri and the other children who will, eventually, become grups.

6 purple-blue lesions out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 9: Dagger of the Mind

1. I mean I know he’s a prisoner and as a general rule, if they’re escaping, they’re desperate, (also he’s seeking asylum) but you would have to be desperate to put yourself in a box that’s being transported by a device that disassembles all your molecules and then reassembles them, only to end up on a spaceship that could be headed anywhere, not to mention have anyone on it. Also not to mention that there’s always a chance you could just… get flung into space.
2. They should have known to be suspicious of Dr. Adams and the colony when they were so eager to agree to an inspection and to accommodate Kirk and Dr. Noel. Also should have been suspicious when everyone sounded like they were brainwashed. Also, Dr. Noel is like, next to useless? And a little creepy implanting a different memory in Kirk’s mind when she had the chance. At least she tried to stop Dr. Adams from making it worse? I guess? And didn’t take advantage of him when he thought he loved her?
3. I think this is the first time the mind meld shows up??? This is such a key element to Spock’s character, and such a cool ability of the Vulcans. They really are a fascinating race. Too bad I can’t get a documentary about them and their culture…

6 fancy air duct grates out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 10: The Corbomite Maneuver

1. In this an in a few other episodes (I’m assuming both because they’re out of order on Paramount+ and because this was the first season), people’s uniforms and stuff change and Uhura’s wearing a yellow dress/tunic and IT’S WEIRD.
2. I LOVE the banter between Kirk and Bones in this episode. And the discussion of the crew’s wellbeing and of Bailey in particular (who as far as I can tell is kind of a nightmare). The beginning of this episode really feels like a look into life on the Enterprise on a normal day when episode-worthy things aren’t happening. I wish there were more bit like this throughout the show—all of the shows—but that’s probably not what the majority of people want in their episodic sci-fi.
3. Kirk’s bluffing in this episode feels like an important part of his personality that we haven’t really seen until now. We know that Kirk will do anything for his ship and his crew and those he deems under his protection, but this is a whole new level. Bluffing when everyone’s life is in danger shows that Kirk has a streak of the gambler in him, something that’s important to actions he takes in the future, and to actions we find out he’s taken in the past. I think all starship captains need to have a bit of a gambler in them to be effective, but that might just be me.

6 space cubes out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 11: The Menagerie, Part 1

1. Is it wrong that my favourite thing to come out of this episode is the parody of it in the Futurama episode “Where No Man Has Gone Before”? That episode is one of my favourites of the whole show’s run, and the fact that they have to use a version of Pike’s chair to give their testimony with a foot pedal is a great parody of Pike telling his story to the Enterprise crew.

2. Setting the episode up with Spock’s apparent treason is an interesting, attention-grabbing opening, as we know Spock to be loyal to a fault. We also know because of the dialogue in this episode (if you hadn’t seen “The Cage”) that Spock served with Pike and Kirk himself says that Spock is a loyal to Pike as he is to Kirk. It’s definitley something that’s got the audience puzzling, and it’s the first episode to leave the audience really confused about what exactly is going on. We don’t want to believe Spock is doing something wrong, so the mind scrambles to try and find an explanation, an idea… it’s a fascinating storytelling device.
3. It’s baffling to me that they don’t have the technology yet to help Pike—at least to give him a better quality of life. From a production standpoint, they probably couldn’t think of something to explaining healing Pike (the technobabble really reaches a peak in The Next Generation). From a retroactive standpoint, we can say they just hadn’t perfected the technology to deal with the specific type of radiation Pike was exposed to, and/or they weren’t able to get him help in time to stop the worst of his injuries from becoming permanent. But it does always seem a little weird when we’re in a technological future and come across something we think they should be able to heal/fix/deal with and they can’t.

6 top-secret files out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 12: Menagerie, Part 2

1. The way they decided to use the footage from “The Cage” is quite smart. Whether they needed another episode and didn’t have the budget for another full episode, or just didn’t want the footage from “The Cage” to go to waste, I think these episodes are quite good. My personal rating would be higher if I hadn’t already watched the original pilot, but I do like these episodes better than I like “The Cage” on its own, primarily for the seemingly out-of-character behaviour from Spock. It’s always nice when we get to see another layer of his characterization.
2. Honestly, it seems like an odd choice for Pike and/or Spock to want to go back/take the captain back to Talos IV, considering he was a prisoner there. I can understand Pike’s desire to be somewhere he won’t feel trapped in his own body when his mind is still active, but he’s still a prisoner. And it doesn’t even seem like Pike wants this. It is a clever way to use the footage, and the idea of Spock being mutinous, even for a noble reason, is compelling, but Pike wanting to be a prisoner is a hard bit to take. Even if I can understand it.
3. Obviously the part where the aliens leaving the choice to Kirk and Pike is new, utilising footage of the buttheas aliens from the original pilot, but it still feels a little weird. Again: I get it, but something just doesn’t sit right with me. Still better than “The Cage” though.

6 illusionary commodores out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 13: The Conscience of The King

1. I love Shakespeare as much as the next English major and I understand the limits of writing the future but only having what we have now and I know that it could be a rare performance but WHY ARE THEY STILL PUTTING ON MACBETH SO FAR IN THE FUTURE. SURELY THERE IS SOMETHING ELSE. Also, bro in the audience (whose name is Dr. Layton—do you think he has a puzzle for us? WAIT he kind of does have a puzzle for Kirk when he says he thinks the lead actor is someone else!!! [I know it’s PROFESSOR Layton but still.]), you’re not supposed to say “Macbeth” in the theatre. It’s bad luck.
2. God, Kirk really is a hopeless flirt. If someone flirted with me like that (and I realized it was happening) I would turn into a pile of giggly mush on the floor. He wouldn’t even have to flirt with me intensely. Ron Perlman called me baby at a convention when I was getting an autograph from him and I blushed so bad I thought I was going to be burned. But I can respect Kirk being like “I want to see you again” like right away. Why keep feelings like that to yourself? You gotta shoot your shot. I also love that the rest of the bridge crew just watches Kirk flirt and are just like “yeah, sure.” Brilliant.
3. Every time they say Kodos all I can think of is them:

5 glasses of poisoned milk out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 14: Balance of Terror

1. This is the first time we’re seeing the Romulans on screen, which matches up neatly with the fact that no one in-universe knows what the Romulans look like. Also I refuse to believe that the Romulan commander looks like that because Mark Leonard is Sarek. He played Sarek for years and he is Vulcan not Romulan. He is Spock’s father and it stresses me out in a weird way that the actor also played a Romulan. No it doesn’t make sense. Also the moment they manage to see onboard the Romulan vessel and see that they look like Vulcans is just… Definitely a holy shit moment.
2. It would have been bone-deep terrifying to not know (for sure) who was attacking or even how they were attacking. And to meet an enemy after so long and they have cloaking technology that the Federation doesn’t have, nor have they ever even seen it. This episode is appropriately titled because it is the first time Star Trek has presented viewers with a truly terrifying antagonist, an actual enemy. Not to mention that this marks of the beginning of a conflict with the Romulans that I don’t think is ever settled in any Star Trek series yet. (I could be misremembering but I guess we’ll find out!)
3. There is also a parallel here with the fear that there are Romulan spies on board. TOS was filmed during the Cold War, when the fear of communists and communist spies was at its highest. The parallels are not subtle but they are important. The navigator, Mr. Stiles, has a family history in the war against the Romulans and he is highly prejudice against Spock after they find out what the Romulans look like. This is akin to people fearing their neighbours, thinking they might be spies. Kirk tells Stiles to leave his bigotry in his quarters. Quite a stance for the mid-60s. Star Trek has always been political and the way they approach this run-in with the Romulans is no less important than having an Asian man and a Black woman and a literal alien on the bridge of what amounts to a military vessel. The fact that we get scenes between the Romulans, out of sight of the Enterprise… That we get to know the Romulans as sentient beings whose wants and behaviours are not that different than ours… The statements Star Trek makes are clear and incredibly poignant even today.

10 magenta sashes out of 10.

Bonus: “I regret that we meet in this way. You and I are of a kind. In a different reality, I could have called you friend.” TALK ABOUT A GUT PUNCH. This is one hell of a line. Many variations have been used before, but after an intense episode, this one HITS. It’s followed by news that Tomlinson, the man who was going to get married at the beginning of the episode, died in the conflict and just… this episode ends on such a bummer note. Still one of the best though.

Season 1, Episode 15: Shore Leave

1. This episode is bonkers. Holodeck malfunction before there was a holodeck.
2. There aren’t supposed to be animals or insects of any kind on this planet AND NO ONE ASKS WHY THERE ARE PLANTS AND FLOWERS IF THERE ARE NO ANIMALS OR INSECTS TO POLLINATE THEM.
3. Even after all the discussion and theorizing and appearances of things and people that can’t be there, the crew still sometimes act like they believe it? This episode is so inconsistent. Probably the worst episode so far because unlike “Mudd’s Women” there aren’t even really good moments that make up for the rest of the episode.

3 strategically ripped tunics out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 16: The Galileo Seven

1. I love the concept of this episode: a crew of seven on a shuttle stranded on a strange planet with only the Enterprise, who are on a deadline, to find them. Stories that take place in an isolated setting with such high stakes are always dramatic and intense and have potential for truly great storytelling. The tension immediately rackets up when Spock seems callous and cold in trying to keep the crew alive and get the shuttle off the planet. Everyone is facing mortality in a way they likely haven’t before and it’s not like they expected to on this little side mission either. They know they can’t reach the Enterprise via the normal channels—they know how lost they are.
2. However the douche in the jean jumpsuit with like cape sleeves? who is on the Enterprise escorting meds to a planet ravaged by a plague who is urging Kirk to stop searching for the lost shuttle is DEEPLY annoying and deserves a quick slap. LIke I get why he wants to hurry—the meds are important—but wow dude.
3. As with many episodes that feature Spock in a main story role, this episode is primarily about logic vs. emotion, rational thought and action vs. emotional thought and action. It’s always an interesting dilemma as it’s something pretty much everyone deals with at some point in their lives to some degree. But I must say, for Starfleet officers, the two men Spock takes with him to scare those indigenous to the planet away, are deeply disregardful of life, as Spock points out, and that is not a logic vs. emotion thing. Yes, they are emotional over the loss of their comrade but to want to slaughter indiscriminately seems much more base than Starfleet strives for. Kirk exemplifies this in “The Corbomite Maneuver” when they disable the ship and then board it to help any injured. (I’m chalking the behaviour of the crewmen in this episode to the fact that this is still early in Star Trek’s life and it’s likely they hadn’t really figured out the tone and such they were going for, or at least hadn’t settled completely on one. Starfleet in Treks set earlier in the timeline is always a bit more militaristic.) There is also an element of Spock learning that logic is not always the answer. And the whole episode is worth Kirk and Bones teasing Spock at the end.

7 giant spears out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 17: The Squire of Gothos

1. The noise that plays when Sulu and Kirk vanish is hilarious.
2. This war- and Earth-obsessed douchebag is like Q at his worst. He’s kind of a proto-Q but without Q’s charm, humour, and ability to adjust. He’s annoying as all get-out too and I really want to tell him to shut up. He behaves like a spoiled child—I mean, I guess he is a spoiled child. If he is a Q, he is the worst Q. He even pulls out a court set-up like Q does early on in The Next Generation. I don’t care what anyone says. This dude is a Q. This episode had to have inspired Q too. (As well as the Futurama parody episode.) This thought is scattered but I don’t care.
3. I mean the annoying is the least of his problems, obviously. And I want to do more than tell him to shut up but just like… UGH. He traps the crew on his planet in a the bubble of simulated atmosphere, in his poor copy of old Earth. He makes people do things they previously didn’t know how to do or don’t want to do. At least Kirk slaps him a few times and his parents scold him good.

3 heatless fires out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 18: Arena

1. OH BABY IT’S GORN TIME. This is like the most memed episode of Star Trek, the one that people reference when they talk about how ridiculous the show is, but I love it, right down to the doofy rubber suit and the pizza-looking leotard the gorn wears and his disco-ball eyes. The gorn is quintessential Star Trek The Original Series. Iconic.
2. The action in this episode is higher than anything we’ve seen before, I think because most of it has been ship-to-ship and this is very much up close and person. And there are bombs. This feels more like warfare, like their lives might actually be in danger. They beam down into an ambush, search for survivors, and go through it in like, the first ten minutes. Quite the opening, and they’re dealing with a mysterious foe too. They were led into a trap, and Kirk thinks this is the beginning of an invasion. He goes against his normal stance, whether out of anger or fear or both, and wants to destroy the ship, preventing the aliens from getting reinforcements and dissuading any further attacks on Federation colonies. The gorn may be goofy-looking, but this episode itself is anything but goofy. It’s way more intense than I remember it being.
3. Yes the fight is slow and weird, but the idea that some hyper-intelligent race/being/force is punishing them like rowdy children, letting them fight it out like this, and letting them hear each other’s thougths… Something about the situation—and how angry Kirk was before this, ready to destroy a new being without studying it, going against his mission and the mission of the Enterprise—makes this whole thing unsettling. Of course Kirk doesn’t kill the gorn when it comes down to it, surprising the metron which then let them go.

6.5 random piles of powdered sulphur out of 10. (Honestly it would have been higher if it wasn’t for the gorn’s constant hissing.)

BONUS: When the gorn finally starts talking, he sounds like Clancy Brown, aka Mr. Krabs and now I can’t unhear it.

Season 1, Episode 19: Tomorrow is Yesterday

1. I love the accidental time-travel that starts off this episode. And not just because it’s also used in one of my favourite Futurama episodes, “Roswell That Ends Well.” (Anyone who loves Star Trek needs to watch Futurama, okay, it’s required. I don’t make the rules.) The fact that they set this around the time that the episode would have been filmed is also amusing to me.
2. I also really like this episode for a lot of reasons. 1) The semi-blundering of Kirk as he tries to solve the increasingly complex problems they find themselves dealing with. The interrogation scene is particularly funny. He is just flying by the seat of his pants and it’s great. 2) The fact that there is no true antagonist of this episode. To Captain Christopher, the Enterprise crew is a bit antagonistic, as they feel at first that they have to keep him with them on the ship, even though they’re both, as Christopher says, prisoners in time. But really the only true “bad guy” is the string of accidents and unfortunate occurrences that keep happening. This is the first episode of its kind. 3) How well Captain Christopher adapts to being on the Enterprise, faced with truths about Earth’s future and his own. I think it would have been fun to have him stick around for a bit, or come back in another episode. 4) The way the other military man who gets beamed aboard reacts to everything and the amusement the transporter technician takes in surprising him. 5) Of course everything ends up okay, but there’s something about the fact that Christopher thanks Kirk for the look ahead that gives me the warm and fuzzies.
3. The fact that the slingshot maneuver they use to travel home through time becomes sort of an accepted sci-fi thing after this is great. I don’t know for sure that this is the first instance of the slingshot-as-time-travel, but I think it is, certainly in pop culture. Star Trek even uses this again several times I can think of, and I love self-referential stuff in ongoing series and franchises like Star Trek.

7 orange flight suits out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 20: Court Martial

1. The opening to this episode, with Kirk being accused of murder by a deceased crew member’s daughter, being asked to wait while they determine if a court martial is necessary, and then having colleagues he’s known for a long time say they believe the murder charges… Like, that’s awful. The record says that Kirk jettisoned the pod before the red alert instead of after it, like Kirk says he did, and these types of conflicts in shows and movies are always super tense for me. They give me anxiety, even though I know everything will be okay in the end (and not just because I’ve seen the episode before). The audience know Kirk isn’t lying, but it’s no stretch to believe things can get complicated in tense situations like an ion storm and red alert. God I have anxiety just thinking about being misunderstood like that and/or making a mistake like that. GUH.
2. The fact that a former lover and (it seems) still friend of Kirk’s is the prosecution is like rubbing salt in the wound. Like I can see the good of this episode and I know it’s a good episode but IT STRESSES ME OUT SO MUCH. (Also if I’m being honest, every trial episode in Trek pales in comparison to “The Measure of a Man” from TNG.) Also, I can’t imagine how frustrating it would be for Spock and Bones and the others to testify against Kirk when they’re not allowed to finish their thoughts and provide context.
3. But like, surprise, Finney’s not dead? He needs help though. He’s a vengeful butthead, driven to the point of near-homicide to… Well I’m not sure what he intends to do other that kill himself and those he feels should have understood him. I’m not sure he’s thought the plan all the way through. He’s clearly under some distress though. Also, he thinks the Enterprise should have been his? Nah, bro. The Enterprise was always destined to belong to James T. Kirk.

7.5 shiny little sailor dresses out of 10.

BONUS: I find it uh, interesting, that during “The Menagerie” they say that logs of that detail, referring to the visual record they’re watching of the Enterprise, aren’t kept/possible. Whether or not they meant at that time, but that’s not what’s said. But here they use a detailed visual record to show what happened during the ion storm. HMMMMM.

Season 1, Episode 21: The Return of the Archons

1. The opening of this episode with Sulu getting shocked by some dude in a robe and then getting beamed up only to seemingly not remember anything about who he is and who he was with and what happened and then to answer “paradise” when asked where the crewman who was with him is, well, it’s creepy as shit. The creep factor is only amplified with the old-timey costumes, the screaming/attacking/throwing things/etc. at six o’clock, the vacant way people talk before that, and the way people just return to their vacat ways at six in the morning… I don’t remember this episode very well, so I’m especially creeped out.
2. When the residents ask Kirk & co. if they’re Archons, the creep factor is amplified AGAIN because the Enterprise is here looking for the lost ship Archon, which raises questions of a former Starfleet crew beside responsible for this madness. I’m confused, and no doubt any audience seeing this episode for the first time would be.
3. After the crew is captured, I honestly find this episode a little boring as the creep factor is mostly lost. I wish it had help up through the whole episode, but then, I’m desperate for more horror-esque episodes and/or movies in this franchise. I love sci-fi horror. The only thing that saves the rest of this episode for me is how good DeForest Kelley is at being possessed or absorbed or whatever. I dunno. I just feel like this episode could have been a lot more?

6.5 literal droopy bow ties out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 22: Space Seed

1. KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN.
2. This episode is iconic for so many reasons, even if you disregard the epic Wrath of Khan that would follow (and oh the foreshadowing of that movie’s events in this episode!). Especially epic? The gold mesh suits they have to wear over their strange wraps in suspended animation. Like, what??? I love old-school visions of what they thought the 1990s would be like so much. This is atrocious, ridiculous, and wonderful at the same time, and I’m not sure anyone other that Ricardo Montalban could have pulled it off (even unconscious) with such aplomb.

3. My favourite part of this episode though is the glimpse we get into the past before TOS, the time from when it was filmed to the time we’re seeing. And for me, someone born in 1989, learning about what happened during my lifetime in the Star Trek universe. While the truth isn’t great—another world war, the Eugenics War, plus a dark age, as Spock puts it—I love worldbuilding and this makes my lore-loving heart soar. Also the aspect of hidden history, as with the Botany Bay. How much more was hidden? I want to know so much more and I will likely go searching for novels about it soon. It’s my dream to one day have as many of the Star Trek novels as I can—if not all of them. GIVE ME ALL THE LORE.

9.5 gold mesh suits (you know this was coming) out of 10. (Look, it would be 10 if it wasn’t for the way Khan treats McGivers and then she goes with him EUGH.)

Season 1, Episode 23: A Taste of Armageddon

1. The fact that the ambassador takes the power of command away from Kirk and orders them to approach a planet they aren’t supposed to under code 7-10—which might get them involved in a battle/incident/war—is a chilling way to start. This would have been filmed in the middle of the Vietnam War, when issues of personal freedoms, the right of international invasion, and truth of media coverage were at their height. Also, the planet they’re approach was at war with its closest neighbour when Starfleet first found it; it’s not hard to see the parallels here. Second only to Star Trek questioning what it means to be human are those times when Star Trek reflects and highlights current issues in episodes like these. The Vietnam War was infamously opposed and protested, especially once conscription was instituted and when news coverage made clear the horrors involved in war. I have studied history, sure, but I think this episode’s message and how it relates to the then-current conflict would be obvious to anyone who had even a passing knowledge of what the US was like during that time.
2. Also chilling is the way the war is fought. Seemingly without actual destruction, with “victims” just walk into a disintegration machine. The people are so loyal to their nations, to the idea that they have to win the “war” that they will voluntarily kill themselves when there is no actual physical danger. All under the threat (maybe real, maybe only real after so long of believing it to be the truth) that if the don’t sacrifice themselves, the enemy will use real weapons. The war is waged on computers like it’s a video game they’ve decided as real. This had to have been chilling back in the 1960s, but now, when computers are so much more powerful, when games so realistic… It feels only very slightly in the realm of science fiction. Especially as war has continued to be a constant in our world. (My thoughts during this episode are kind of spiralling, but I’m doing my best.) Kirk lays it out best at the end of the episode, that the horrors of war are what make it a thing to be avoided and the fact that they’ve fought it so cleanly is the reason it’s latest for 500 years. Directly analogous to wars being fought based on decisions made in safe cushy officers or safer bunkers by the higher-ups while the regular person fights on the ground, risking their lives. (If only our world was so repulsed by the horrors of war that it stopped it from happening.)
3. This episode also raises the question: Was Kirk on behalf of Starfleet right to interfere and disrupt the way things are done on this planet? Did he have a right to do what he did? Does he ever? This is also a question that’s been raised in the fanom a lot: How often do crews actually adhere to the Prime Directive, not to interfere with or expose space travel to civilizations that aren’t deemed ready? Where is the line? If this planet doesn’t want diplomatic relations with the Federation, then what right do they have to go on this “diplomatic” mission? Also, this is a culture so shaped by war that no amount of reasoning seems to work with them, so is Kirk’s direct action the only way they could have made an impact or connection? (And hell yeah, Scotty for standing up to the stupid diplomat; if anyone loves the Enterprise as much as Kirk, it’s Scotty.) Was Kirk right to give them back the horrors of war? Will that stop them? Will that bring about peace? Or is the leader right in that they’re a violent, destructive species and there’s no way to avoid war? This episode is heavy and important and intense and my brain is a little mushy trying to get all my thoughts (or most of them anyway) down here.

The episode is hitting me very hard. It’s so relevant right now. It’s been relevant since it was filmed and that idea makes me a little sick. If only people regarded genre media as something worth learning from and not just taking technological advancements from. If only people could see than an endless war is very much what we’re headed towards.

I need to stop thinking about this episode now or I’m going to start crying.

10 wrapping paper hats out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 24: This Side of Paradise

1. No one should be alive on this planet but they are! There’s radiation here that means people should be dead within a week! There is no treatment or cure! It’s a mystery how they’re thriving. How they’re in such good health. How someone’s apparently removed appendix is sitting there in his body. I love a good mystery. (I type this and my brain went STARK TREK WHODUNNIT PLEASE.)
2. The most shocking part of this episode though, is the fact that there seems to be some sort of romantic connection between the botanist Leila and Spock who apparently met a long time ago. (I don’t think six years is as long of as time as they make it sound like but I guess that’s subjective.) Like, obviously Spock is capable of romance but he’s been presented as rigidly controlled in all areas so far, expect when under the influence of the virus in “The Naked Time.” It’s interesting to see there was a time in his past where his human side might have exerted more influence than he’s comfortable with. And it’s interesting that the plant makes me behave more like a human (after some intense pain). In the end, when Kirk makes Spock angry enough to banish the spores’ influence, it’s almost bittersweet (made less so by Bones’s affected accent that makes so freaking sense).
3. This isn’t really a bad episode (it’s fine) but it’s extremely hard for me to take the rest of it as seriously after Spock gets blasted by glittery flower spores because it’s hilarious. We think of spores spreading in a delicate cloud, but this is violent air-cannon burst of glitter and it’s perfect. (This effect is in the same vein as the hand-puppet plant of Sulu’s earlier in the show.)

5 glitter-spewing flowers out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 25: The Devil in the Dark

1. I can’t believe this lasagna monster is responsible for so many deaths. Possibly the most of any singular antagonist the crew has faced so far. It literally looks like a sloppy pile of lasagna. This is definitely gorn-costume levels of “it’s difficult to suspend my disbelief,” but that’s part of TOS. I’ll give whoever played the monster oodles of credit though because that cannot have been easy.
2. The ambition of creating a silicon-based lifeform is admirable and it isn’t often Star Trek, even know, ventures into non-humanoid alien territory.
3. Scientific discovery vs. saving the lives of the workers and crew. Obviously both are important. Obviously lives have to come first. But to kill the first silicon-based lifeform without studying it and without knowing if there are more… I find it easy to understand Spock’s reluctance. Also on display is Kirk’s willingness to change his mind when he’s faced with new information (going from wanting to kill the creature to waiting to see what would happen when it didn’t attack him). And the best thing of all is the horta and humans end up working together in a clean example of what should be the norm: humans working WITH indigenous life, not against it.

5 perfectly spherical eggs out of 10.

BONUS: This is the first instance of Bones’s catchphrase! “I’m a doctor, not a bricklayer.” He only says it like maybe a dozen times in the whole show and yet it’s synonymous with his character.

DOUBLE BONUS: I really can’t fathom how long it took them to get to EGG after first seeing the spherical silicon deposits.

Season 1, Episode 26: Errand of Mercy

1. KLINGON TIME. For several reasons I am not a fan of TOS Klingons, all of which I hope are obvious, but I can respect this as the starting place for one of my favourite alien races of all time. I also enjoy the fact that in TNG they retconned the more human look from TOS. I’m a big fan of when books/movies/show/games do an in-universe retcon that actually makes sense and improves on the original. I don’t know anyone who prefers TOS Klingons. I think more than any race that shows up in TOS, the Klingons are the one who evolve and change the most. I wonder if Roddenberry’s original vision was limited by time, budget, and/or materials at all.
2. I like that they went this route with introducing the Klingons though. It’s interesting to see how they handle taking control of a planet, and one that doesn’t really resist. And of course it’s good that Kirk and Spock are there to learn more about the Klingons and their methods. We see perhaps some hints at the honour that will become so key to the Klingon culture, and the way the commander and Kirk treat each other is not unfamiliar. But these are very much the base of what the Klingons will become. I don’t really like this episode too much, but it was neat to see some energy beings and the episode is worth it for the exchanges between the commander and Kirk.
3. Kirk’s “Go climb a tree,” is the closest we’ll ever get to him saying “go fuck yourself.” Shatner delivers it so well.

5.5 weird maybe fraying gold sashes out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 27: The Alternative Factor

1. Everything briefly winking out of existence? A mysterious life form whose appearance coincided with the winking out? We’re getting into some bonkers Trek now!
2. Not only is the guy they pick up flying an old-school-looking ship and acting bonkers as the episode concept, his fake beard is terrible. Also his name is LAZARUS? And he’s fighting some sort of cosmic being responsible for the winking out? I seem to have blocked this memory from my mind because I do not remember any of this.
3. Ohhhh I remember why I forgot this episode. Trek has bounced between goofy and brilliant for its entire history and this one falls heavier on the side of ridiculousness. I’m all for parallel universes, but I think they just tried to do TOO MUCH with this one and it kinda gets muddied. Oh well!

4 extremely unruly and straight fake beards out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 28: The City on the Edge of Forever

1. This is widely regarded as one of the best episodes of TOS and while I don’t disagree, it’s not really one of my favourites. I’m not a big fan of time-travel episodes as a general rule and when it comes to Trek, I prefer the episodes in their time, on the ship, dealing with aliens and space and everything. Time-travel episodes like this stress me out, which is part of what they’re supposed to do, of course. You’re supposed to worry about how they’re going to get back to their own time. In this episode you’re also supposed to worry about them finding Bones, who is the catalyst to this whole episode. Considering he’s overdosing and freaking out, he really should have been the focus of this episode. Stellar performance by Deforest though.
2. I do however love Edith. She’s incredible. Beautiful, curious, open-minded (for the 1930s), smart, hopeful, optimistic, good. She’s a perfect match for Kirk. And her death is tragic and this episode has the power to make me cry depending on how I’m feeling when I watch it. I wish she could have stuck around, come to the future with Kirk. I would have loved to see her react to the Enterprise, but time-travel episodes never work out the way I want them too (maybe that’s why I’m not generally not a big fan of them).
3. There is literally no explanation on how they get back to their time/through the portal and I hate that. It makes the ending feel rushed and the episode almost unfinished.

8.5 wool toques out of 10.

Season 1, Episode 29: Operation Annihilate

1. The alien things in this episode gross me the fuck out. They make me think of oysters which then makes me want to throw up. Also they’re invisible and take over the host’s body which is just creepy. Parasites freak me out.
2. Kirk finds his brother dead, watches his sister-in-law suffer before dying, and then has to see his nephew in the medbay. And this is the episode after letting Edith die. Kirk’s been going through it. Also his first officer gets attacked by one of these things, and Bones has no real idea what to do about them. Rough times for the captain.
3. IT DOESN’T RESEMBLE A BRAIN CELL SPOCK IS LOOKS LIKE A BLOODY BOOGER OR SOMETHING THEY ARE GROSS

5 gross boogers out of 10.

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And that’s it for Season 1 of The Original Series! Onto Season 2, which has my most-favourite episode.

Feel free to share your thoughts about my thoughts, or about the episodes themselves! But remember these are literally just thoughts I had while watching the episodes. With a few exceptions, I didn’t edit them except to fix spelling. It also took me a while to actually finish this (it’s a long season!), so please forgive any contradictions.

And, if you like what I write, please consider supporting me!

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all screencaps are from trekcore.com