vampires, spaceships, and fantastical worlds—the tales of L.E. Teetzel

This is the first list that will feature movies I haven’t seen! The format for those entries will remain the same, but will likely have less introspective and wide thoughts, as I will not have had a lot of time to think about them—or at least not as much time as I have with the movies I’ve seen before. Any titles marked with * are ones I haven’t seen before!

We also could end up with a lot more movies I don’t like on these lists when I start getting to more movies I haven’t seen, but that’s not a given. I’m pretty easy to please with movies (if you haven’t figured that out already).

Also you should know that sci-fi/horror is my favourite genre for books, movies, games—anything. I wish there was more of it in the world. So much more. (My definition of the genre is a little more specific than some people’s, but I’ve never tried to write it down, so hopefully it becomes clear.)

ADDED BEFORE POSTING: This took me SO FREAKING LONG to finish up. Blame SAD and general hatred of summer and an uncooperative brain. But we’re back on track baybeeeee.

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Annihilation (2018)

1. I know a lot of people, including the author of the book the movie is based on, Jeff VanderMeer, have complicated feelings and thoughts about this movie. I haven’t read the book yet, so I can’t comment on how accurate it is as an adaptation, but I can tell you as someone who absolutely loves spooky sci-fi and horror-sci-fi, that this movie is beautiful and creepy and scary and weird and did I mention beautiful? Once they go into The Shimmer, everything is stunning. And gross and fascinating and creepy and gorgeous. No I will not shut up about it. Just look at the barrier in the image above! I would 100% be that idiot who just sits around staring at it and wanting to see what the inside looked like. Like, the flowers and the plant people are obviously gorgeous; the whole setting is. But the body in the pool is also stunning in its way, as are the alligator and demon bear. Truly love all the visuals in this movie. Oh and the soundtrack. Also beautiful.
2. Dr. Ventress creeps me the hell out from the minute she shows up. The way Jennifer Jason Leigh portrays here is deeply unsettling. She’s too calm about all that’s happening, too determined to go deeper into it, too nonchalant about all the weird things… Guh. Like I know she’s sick and is doing what she told Lena all humans do in seeking her destruction but she’s still creepy, no matter what her motives are.
3. The scariest part of this movie for me is the aspect of losing time the way they do. I am terrified of not remembering time, of things happening to me when I’m not aware of it. I got super drunk once in university and then found pictures on my phone that I didn’t remember taking. I didn’t remember leaving the club and I barely remembered getting home. It shook me deeply. I’ve never had that much to drink again, and the experience also left with me with a deep irrational fear of anesthesia. So the idea of being in an alien place, a place they went to without knowing what to expect, a place no one has ever returned safely from and then losing days at a time… Nope. Thinking about it too long makes me deeply uncomfortable. But yeah… that’s the part that scares me the most. Mutated alligator? Nope. Demon bear? Nope. Missing time.

7 weird alien mirror dances out of 10.

Event Horizon (1997)

1. Opening text: 2015—first permanent colony established on moon. 2023—commercial mining begins on Mars. 2040—deep space research vessel ‘Event Horizon’ launched to explore boundaries of solar system. Oh how I miss the optimism of sci-fi movies from before 2000. I really wish we were where they saw us. I wish our focus had been understanding and exploring space rather than blowing each other up and squabbling over resources we should be sharing. (What I really want is the socialist utopia of the Star Trek universe, but I’m pretty sure that’s an unobtainable fantasy now and increasingly I just wish aliens would show up and obliterate us quickly or something.) LIke I know this is a horror movie, but it’s funny to me that my first feeling upon watching is a longing for lost optimism. Nevermind that the movie immediately switches us into the disorientation of space with a screaming nightmare and Sam Neill hanging “upside down” in a space station. (How mind-boggling is it that there is no direction in space?)
2. I love love love seeing the different designs for spaceships and suits and the different approaches to future technology. It’s one of my favourite things about sci-fi as a genre and I really appreciate that Event Horizon, whether by choice or by the limitations of their budget, has gone with a very Alien-inspired, gritty, realistic look of a ship that’s been used before, that’s seen wear and tear and repairs and may or may not be in optimal shape, but it’s obviously cared for. I love the cacophony of buttons and switches and tangible controls. I have nothing against touchscreens, but when there’s an abundance of texture it’s just so much more pleasing to the eyes and ears and makes the future—especially the near future—feel that much more relatable and tangible and believable. Conversely, Event Horizon (I still think that’s a dumb name for a ship, no matter what’s powering it), still has that same tangible, used feel but has elements that make it look more alien. LIke it’s organic in an unfamiliar way which is fitting with, you know, the whole theme of the movie. And the Hellraiser inspiration is just, for me, like a chef’s kiss touch. God this movie is cool.
3. Look, I love Jurassic Park as much as anyone, but this is my favourite Sam Neill role. He goes from unassuming but maybe a little strange to a full-on psychopath in a slow and almost agonizing way and he just eats up the second half. Not to mention the makeup is really cool. My only wish is that we got to see more of the hell dimension and more of the first crew losing their minds. Or of the ship being alive. Basically, I just want more of the creepy stuff. Or maybe for the ending to be less certain. Were they really safe? Or was the part of the ship they were in just as alive as the rest?

8 enucleated eyeballs out of 10.

Sunshine (2007)

1. This is one of my ALL-TIME FAVOURITE movies and it is CRIMINALLY underrated. The cast is amazing, the story is great, the visuals are stunning, the horror elements are unexpected (or they were to me the first time I watched this movie), and god, I just love this movie. But seriously: the cast. Cillian Murphy, Chris Evans, Michelle Yo, Benedict Wong, Rose Bryne, Mark Strong, Hiroyuki Sonada… this cast is nuts and I feel like this movie flew way under the radar. I really hope a lot of people have gone back and watched this movie after some of these names have become bigger and/or had their moment in the spotlight, because more people need to see this movie. LIke ASAP.
2. There are lots of movies with brutal scenes or violence or what have you, but I think because of the weight of their mission and everything we see the crew go through (in addition to knowing about the months of isolation and stress they’ve already gone through), the deaths in this movie hit really hard. Especially Trey’s suicide. That one hits me harder every time I watch this movie, I think because he feels like he’s responsible for everything and that he’s doing something to erase his mistakes/help the others deliver the payload. None of it was his fault of course (arguably it’s no one’s fault, but I can see blaming Kappa as he made the decision to go after Icarus 1. It also hurts to see the decisions they all have to make knowing they’re trying to save billions of life on Earth.
3. I think my favourite thing about this movie though is that we’re seeing the crew of Icarus 2 unravel and right at the height of it, we get the reveal of Pinbacker, who we never get to see fully in his deranged/mutated state (I think he has to be mutated somewhat to account for the fact that he’s still alive after his exposure to the sun and he’s definitely delusional.) But going from wholly normal deaths to semi-supernatural mass murder is a dramatic way of showing the fate the crew was possibly headed too—especially Searle, who was already obsessed with/entranced by the sun. And the way our vision of Pinbacker is always fractured/blurred… god, it’s so good. The last act of this movie is tense and scary and just so freaking perfect. I just kinda wish Pinbacker showed up and was working in the background sooner.

9 oxygen gardens out of 10.

BONUS: Sunshine also has one my most favourite soundtrack tracks ever.

A Quiet Place (2018)

1. This was the first horror movie I chose to go see by myself in theatres. I took Ice Bat, my plush Ugly Doll, for protection, and wore a big sweater so I could hide my face if I had to. Turns out I didn’t get that scared—certainly not scared enough to have nightmares, which was what I’d been afraid of—but I also had a really cool experience. i have never been in a quieter theatre. Once the movie started (with the amazing cold open of “Day 89”) and it was clear how quiet it was going to be, it was like everyone felt the need to be quiet too. So cool.
2. The opening of this movie is brutal. Not only for the loss of a young life, but for the guilt his sister and father carry, the grief his whole family carries but can’t deal with in ways that make sense as humans. They can’t wail or scream or sob or anything like that. They have to bear it all silently. And this is a family that wants to survive and they’re doing it with a hole in their world only a few months after everything changed. Not to mention they then have to spend their whole lives being hypervigilant they don’t make a noise that’s too loud, unless they’re under cover a waterfall. (I would personally try to set up a house behind/beside a waterfall so I could have some time where I didn’t have to constantly be on because imagine how exhausting that would be.) The brutal opening sets the tone of course, but it’s still like a gut punch. As is when the dad sacrifices himself. God damn it.
3. I know people like to say it’s unrealistic because people make noise and the aliens will kill them when they make a noise by accident, but a) the aliens have a threshold. They don’t say what it is exactly, but anything under the decibels of running water/waterfalls seems safe. Also, there’s distance involved, etc. etc. so while it’s likely a lot of people got got by accident, it isn’t a sure thing because b) I think a lot of people miss that the tension of living a life without making much noise is part of the horror. You’d have to be so focused, so attentive all the time. It would be exhausting. And accidents are more likely when you’re tired. Think of trying to live while constantly being mentally and physically exhausted from having to relearn how to do everything so you don’t make noise. Having to pay attention to your body and everything around you so you don’t make noise. That’s almost scarier than the aliens, to be honest. A life without being able to fully relax or check out… For this neurospicy introvert, that’s a freaking nightmare.

8 noisy spaceship toys out of 10.

A Quiet Place: Part II (2020)

1. I love the way the beginning of this movie takes us back to the same places we saw in the town at the beginning of the first movie. The parallel is smart and it’s nice to see a little bit of the family’s life before they were forced to adapt to the new, quieter world (and that they were all already used to using sign language). Also, I like how there’s no explanation. The aliens crash land (it looks like) and everything goes to chaos. That seems way more realistic than seeing the aliens come slowly, having time to prepare—any of that. I like that it’s abrupt. (I also like that the transition from the past to the present is abrupt.)
2. Cillian Murphy’s character is such an interesting addition. He’s lost his family and is much more cynical about the situation than any of the other main characters, but still hasn’t given up (since he’s still alive). He also comes around to finding some hope. He’s taken back by the shape Emily Blunt and her kids are in (not to mention the baby), and I think, at how well they’ve adapted to the world as it is. I think running into a group like them would give almost anyone hope, but at the same time, I think most people would be feeling more like Murphy’s character (I can never remember names in this movie because, really, they’re not important). Even the way he lives is harder, bleaker, than what the others found. He lives surrounded by metal and glass and nothing green. He’s alone. A study in contrasts. (I also don’t like that he wears shoes, but some people can walk silently in shoes and I just prefer to be barefoot as much as possible.) There’s also the interesting dynamic of them seeing how someone they knew before has reacted to the world as it is now, while they have, largely, remained the same as they were, if a little harder around the edges.
3. And just as he provides a smaller scale contrast, the two groups of people we get to meet in this movie provide a larger-scale contrast. There’s the group at the boats, who have turned into violent and savage people, taking who they want and making sure everyone else is left for dead if not outright killed. It’s debatable whether they just want females bodies to repopulate and/or for amusement, or if they’re after meat. (I am morbidly fascinated by cannibalism and what pushes people to that point, and I always look for it in apocalyptic settings.) These people are fighting for survival because they don’t think there’s another option and/or haven’t looked for one. Meanwhile, the people on the island have found hope and community and safety, and have adapted (though to a lesser degree) to the new world. They have retained their humanity, for lack of better phrasing. Unfortunately, this has also made them unprepared for what happens in the movie, when one of the aliens gets to the island. (If it hadn’t happened now, it would have happened eventually.) In in subtle way, this movie shows just how varied people are in their reactions and ability to adapt, as well as the unrelenting will some people have to survive/find new ways to survive and that (as I believe) there is always hope to be found.

7 portable amps out of 10.

BONUS: The attack on the island community is more devastating than even Lee’s (the father) death, as they are so unprepared and so taken by surprise. So many of them die and it’s heartbreaking because they had a good thing. I believe they will have a good thing again, but just, yikes.

ALSO BONUS: As of writing this, I’m going to see A Quiet Place: Day One tomorrow and I am very, very excited. I love this franchise and am excited to see another director tell a story in the world, and also to see my boy Joseph Quinn on the big screen. And the cat. I hope the cat doesn’t die. They wouldn’t kill the cat, right? (Reader, they didn’t kill the cat.)

Color Out of Space (2019)*

1. I’ve wanted to watch this movie since I first saw the icon on Netflix, but I have to be in a certain kind of mood to watch new things, which is dumb, but I can’t fight my brain. But the colours used in all the images and posters were SUPER eye-catching for me. And I’m learning from the opening credits that this is based on a story by H.P. Lovecraft, which I did not know. Huh. The opening credits did set an interesting atmosphere though and the colours and wonky stuff in the poster and images I’ve seen make a lot more sense knowing this is Lovecraft.
2. I love the way the weird shit starts small and subtle and starts to build. And a lot of it wasn’t surprising—like, I knew what was going to happen or could make a good guess—but it was pretty well done. Made me solidly uncomfortable, the way a horror movie should. I also like how the weird shit is like a mini Area X like in Annihilation with the weird biology and shimmery air. Even the music is a little reminiscent of Annihilation. And that’s not a bad thing. I like the vibes a lot. I do wish some of the stuff had been done differently, but I haven’t read the source material so I can’t judge if they were bad changes or stuff from the original story.
3. I really like how the contamination seems to be affecting everyone differently and in ways that make it hard for them to the see the changes in each other and in themselves. Almost like it’s amplifying qualities they all already have, making the mutations harder to gauge. Until shit gets really real of course. Like fusing people together. That shit is NUTS. The whole end of this movie is nuts, but I kind of loved it?

7.5 mutated alpacas out of 10.

Altered States (1980)*

1. I’ve noticed this many times before but the quiet opening credits of this movie with the letters of the title sliding about over the initial strange image of a man floating in a tube made me think of it again—the art of opening credits has been lost. Movies now usually just having opening credits appear in the beginning of the movie, if they have opening credits at all. There is something to be said for a true cold open, where the movie just starts and everything else, even the title, comes at the end, but there just isn’t that much variety anymore. Does this tie into the conversation about remakes and universes and everything? Probably. There’s nothing wrong with remakes, sequels, prequels, universes, and whatever else—there just needs to be some variety. I think that’s where the problem is. But yeah, bring back opening credits like this movie’s!
2. The practical effects, particularly with the body horror stuff, are really good. Another lost art in movie-making. Again, I have nothing against CGI, as I’ve said before, but we need more practical. We need some more tangible movie magic. Combined with the bizarre visuals from his trips/visions, they are the most stunning part of this movie.
3. This movie is extremely weird and it, unfortunately, didn’t really grab me. Interesting concept and some really beautiful shots (like the image above) but I’m someone who has a hard time getting into a thing if I don’t like the protagonist or if the protagonist isn’t particularly interesting and Jessup isn’t likeable or interesting as far as I’m concerned.

5 isolation tanks out of 10.

Us (2019)*

1. God Jordan Peele is a master of atmosphere. It doesn’t help that carnivals creep me out already but wow the beginning of this movie scared me more than most horror movies do in their entirety. The subtle sounds and blurry backgrounds and music and just the sound editing in general. I could go on forever. My expectations for this movie are high after Get Out and Nope—the former of which made me deeply uncomfortable for its whole runtime and the later of which gave me weird-ass dreams for days—and honestly those expectations are already met by the end of the opening credits. I am UNSETTLED.
2. This movie feels like an anxiety attack.
3. Lupita Nyong’o is INCREDIBLE. In fact, the whole cast is incredible. Playing two version of the same character, one monstrous. That can’t have been an easy thing to do. And so much of the movie is so intense. I’m sure I’ll be able to form some deeper thoughts after thinking about it but this is what you get right now, but basically all I can think right now is that I wish we’d either had fewer answers or more answers about the whole situation.

9 baseball bats out of 10.

BONUS: I love Winston Duke and would like to see him in everything.

The Invisible Man (2020)*

1. I’m not sure there’s anything more tense than someone trying to move quietly around while someone else is sleeping. Especially if there are big stakes to the sleeping person waking up, like in this case. Obviously Elizabeth Moss wants to get away from her boyfriend, which makes watching this as a woman all the more tense. Tense and anxious stuff like the opening of this movie is harder for me to watch than almost any other element of horror. (Also is it just me or does bad stuff always happen in cliffside houses?) Of course I was warned that this movie would be like this so hopefully that gives me a little preparedness. (WHY ARE EVEN THE HAPPY MOMENTS TENSE?)
2. I’m gonna throw up this movie is the most terrifying things I’ve ever watched. I’m afraid of the dark, hate the feeling of being watched, and the fact that I’m a woman and stuff like this (obviously without the sci-fi element) happens to women ALL THE TIME… GUH. Also all the stuff so far could be written off as absentmindedness or forgetfulness or dreams and nope nope nope nope nope. She’s gonna get gaslit and/or gaslight herself into thinking she’s imaging it or going crazy I CAN FEEL IT COMING. I have MAJOR discomfort and am watching more Star Trek The Original Series after this. I don’t even know what the outcome of this movie is yet since I’m writing this while watching but I don’t even care, I am SO TENSE. (Adding later that I am also scared of the person living in your house that you don’t know is there and THEY ADDED THAT TOO god this movie really does hit the most primal fears.)
3. Oh my god is her sister a bitch. I don’t care what you think your sister sent you or not, if she shows up out of the blue clearly having some sort of crisis, whether real or brought on by mental illness you don’t shut the door in her face and tell her to get some medication. WOW. Like I can understand your feelings being hurt but leaving your sister to have a crisis on her own and calling her too weak to leave the bad guys and too stupid to tell who the good ones are… WOW. I more understand James’s reaction because he’s a father and he has to put the safety of his daughter first, and all he told her was to go to her sister’s house (he doesn’t know what happened) which would be somewhere safe for Cecilia to be, because he probably thought her sister would HELP HER. He didn’t say anything mean or hurtful to Cecelia, just got his daughter out of there. At least her sister came when she called? Only to be killed. I’m just… gonna… lay on the floor…

9 invisibility suits out of 10.

BONUS: GOD Elizabeth Moss is amazing.

ALSO BONUS: This movie is truly incredible for how it managed to keep me guessing and questioning stuff and for all the complicated feelings it made me feel and I’m just gonna lay on the floor for a while to recover because fucking HELL this movie was a RIDE. I really just wish I’d felt a little bit more connected to Cecilia because even though she is the main character and literally in every scene, I don’t feel like we really ever got to know her. That would have made the movie perfect.

Splice (2009)*

1. It doesn’t matter the setting of the movie or the plot or anything—the fact that the American healthcare system puts money ahead of saving lives every single time is more disturbing than anything you could cook up in any kind of horror movie. Develop or discover something new and potentially life-saving? The first question should not be how can we make money from this?
2. This movie has given me a lot complicated thoughts and feelings, but as it’s dealing with motherhood and I am a woman, that isn’t really that surprising. Also, I get attached to everything and little Dren gave me massive cute aggression. I don’t even like the movie that much, and that little chimera had my heart almost instantly. (Dren’s designs throughout the movie are really cool, actually.) Elsa’s journey dealing with her own memories of a shitty mother and her motherly feelings towards Dren are the heart of the movie for sure, though it makes for predictable plot beats I could see coming a mile away (I don’t always mind this because sometimes getting from plot point A to B can still be super entertaining) but this was just… not super entertaining.
3. And I will chalk that up mostly to the super creepy thing between Clive and Dren. Like, Dren has human DNA and is rapidly aging which means having to deal with an onslaught of hormones and feelings she doesn’t understand. It’s normal for her to form an attraction to the only male figure in her life. But for him to take advantage of that? It doesn’t matter if she’s not wholly human. She’s clearly sentient and understands concepts. It just took the whole movie to a new creepy level I didn’t really want to deal with. Kind of ruined the movie for me. There was enough of a moral and ethical conversation to have without throwing sex into the mix. Also could have done without the sex the other way too. Just no. Just to get “to the next stage”? Bah. Nope.

4 amphibious lungs out of 10. (This movie could have been so much more.)

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Once again, I can’t believe this took me so long. It didn’t feel like that long, but time has been soup since the pandemic, so I really shouldn’t be that surprised, I suppose.

Anyway, hope you liked this one and experiencing some movies with me for the first time. I’m excited to experience some more movies I haven’t before and I really like having a place to write down some thoughts about them.

Next up: I’ve gotta finish season 2 of Star Trek, and probably after that (or before that) will be some more horror movies because it’s spooky season bayebeeee. I’ve said that twice in this post and I haven’t said that in forever.

Oh well.

Take it easy, hot dogs.

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