vampires, spaceships, and fantastical worlds—the tales of L.E. Teetzel

Welcome!

January was 42 years long and February was like, a blip? A horrible, every-day-is-full-of-bad-news blip.

I also somehow forgot yesterday was the last day of February and thus, did not have this done on time. Or even started.

That’s been a theme this month.

February in the Rearview

This month I mostly felt like I was rushing. Toward something, to catch up to something, to prepare for something. February is typically one of my two worst months mentally and while my depression and anxiety was mostly under control this month (a freakin’ miracle to be completely honest), the stress levels were very much not.

Part of this was because of, well, *gesture vaguely* everything going on. Like I said, every day seems full of more bad news, anything good drowning in the torrent of shit, and it’s exhausting. Part of it is because last weekend was Nerd Market 5, an event in Toronto where people buy tables to sell secondhand nerdy stuff and a little be of homemade stuff too, and because we had such a short window between finding out if we got a table and the actual event, I had a lot to do to prepare for the event. I felt like I was scrambling all month and I hate feeling like that. I did not get a lot down outside of Nerd Market stuff, but that’s okay.

My time management and self-discipline skills are works in progress.

I did however have a consultation appointment for what is likely to be the only tattoo I get this year: a big back piece to turn me into a bookshelf. My life is books so now I must become books. My first appointment isn’t until May, but I will definitley share progress shots once I have them.

And I did get work done on An Errant Ray of Sunlight. Just… not as much as I wanted to. I’m nearly done editing so I’m hoping to power through and get the book off to my proofreader and friend by tomorrow evening and then I begin March on a good note and still give my proofreader almost an entire month to get through the book. I am working really hard to focus on the positive things in my own life so I can actually try to achieve my goals despite everything else.

Because, like I said above, the fact that I didn’t feel like giving up throughout the whole month is a miracle. In addition to my diagnosed and treated anxiety and depression, I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, like a lot of people, and historically February and August are months where I struggle a lot to do even the most basic of things. Now, I can guess at why this month wasn’t so bad, but that’s all it’d ever be: guessing. Mental health stuff is only predictable to a certain extent and I did not see this month coming. Especially because I was sure my meds weren’t working anymore and I was going to need to go through the hassle of trying and finding a new one. I’m not going to dig too much into the why, I’m just going to enjoy the fact that February wasn’t as wholly grey as it has been and I actually managed to have a good month.

I’ve actually been feeling really good mentally lately, so I’m just trying to ride the good vibes for as long as I can.

I’m sure you’ve heard it all before but mental health is a marathon, a hike, a never-ending conversation, a life-long series of ups and downs. I am often angry at my brain for not working “normally” (even though I’m also likely neurodivergent so like, my brain never worked “normally”), and for the last three weeks or so, I’ve been existing in a sort of truce and it’s weird. But also good.

So while I am behind on my admittedly ambitious goals for the year, I don’t feel so down about it. I don’t feel like they’re insurmountable, and more importantly, I still want to fight to reach those goals. This is the first year I’m making a truly serious run at this writing thing and I’m still very new to self-publishing, so things aren’t going to go perfectly. I’m still learning and I’m excited to keep going.

So a lot of the world is going to shit and I’m scared and angry and frustrated, but I’m also an optimist at my core and am really good at clinging to hope, and I am hopeful that I will kick this year’s ass and so will the good in the world.

From the Story Files

An Errant Ray of Sunlight is nearly done being edited. I’m going to need to allot more time for editing with the next book, but I know that now. I also know a lot more about how I edit my own stuff, and have a line on an editor that may or may not be able to tackle book two depending on how busy they are. Friends rule.

I’m also feeling really good about An Errant Ray of Sunlight. Like, obviously not everyone is going to love it, or even like it. Hell, I don’t really expect many people at all to like it. But I do, and that’s what’s important. I’m excited to finally explore more of Eleanor’s life and the lives of those around her. I’m excited to share this first book in what I hope will be a series. I’m excited to finally let this piece of me out in the world.

Not really much else to share, but the release date for An Errant Ray of Sunlight is still set for May 4, and pre-orders will open on Tuesday, March 4! Which is so soon and also the first time I’m trying out preorders! I have no idea how it’s going to work.

I’m also hoping to announce the title for book two soon.

And explore Canva some more…

Always so much to do.

In My Eyeballs and Earholes

Books

I didn’t read as much as I did in January, but given what I’ve already said about this month, maybe that’s not surprising. I did do a bit more audiobook exploration and found that I can listen to nonfiction better than fiction but only if I like the narrator’s voice. As a result, I listened to all three of Caitlin Doughty’s books, Smoke Gets In Your Eyes & Other Lessons from the Crematory, Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs? And Other Questions About Dead Bodies, and From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death. All of them were wonderful and Doughty is a fantastic writer and narrator. I’ve long had a fascination with death and the ways things are treated after death and this trio of books was an absolute treat.

I also started reading the Atlas series by Olivie Blake. I finished The Atlas Six before the end of the month and immediately started The Atlas Paradox. Blake’s writing is so beautiful and this world is so tantalizing. I can’t wait to see what happens as I continue to read. I couldn’t put the first book down so my hopes are pretty high.

And I’m starting to wade back into comics with Old Man Logan. I did Volume 1 last night actually and I am so intrigued. I’ve got a few more storylines and books on my list to get from the library, but feel free to drop any recommendations!

Movies

I only watched two movies this month (you can wholly blame my friend for inviting me to his Plex server and having all of Law & Order SVU on there). The first one was Mouse Hunt, a cheesy (ha) physical comedy romp from the ’90s that I was obsessed with as a child (mostly Christopher Walken as the exterminator), and it was such a bit of nostalgic joy to experience that movie again after probably a decade or more.

The second was Captain America: Brave New World. I am a huge fan of the MCU and have been since 2008 when Iron Man came out. Captain America is my favourite hero, and I’ve loved Sam Wilson since he showed up. I also love Harrison Ford and even though he was playing my least favourite character in the MCU, I was ecstatic to see him as part of this universe. Captain America: Brave New World was literally everything I wanted and more. I did not expect it to be somehow be a sort of sequel to The Incredible Hulk and The Enternals as well as the next Cap movie, and I did not expected the return of a certain character. I’m writing an essay about the recent MCU movies so I’ll get more into that there, but I am so so happy with this movie and I was so happy my friend and I ended up having the theatre to ourselves (that’s what happens when you go to the first show in the VIP theatre) so I could react out loud. And I did. Which the theatre employees thought was hilarious.

Video Games

I’ve barely played anything this month and the little I did play was Disney Dreamlight Valley. Puttering around my valley is so soothing and fun.

Music

I honestly don’t think I listened to any music this month except what was already on my phone while I driving. And even that might have been all podcasts. Sigh.

Parting Thoughts

This is a rough time of year for a lot of people, especially this year. I don’t have a lot of parting thoughts other than to wish you all strength to get through what’s going to be rough for a lot of people. Try and do things that make you happy, take care of yourselves and your loved ones, and make sure to hug your pets and/or your best friends.

That’s it for this month! Take it easy, hot dogs! 💙

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