vampires, spaceships, and fantastical worlds—the tales of L.E. Teetzel

Because I could really use some help feeling like there is light at the end of this tunnel and a place where my to-do list doesn’t feel never-ending.

Or not quite so never-ending anyway.

Is a lot of this feeling my own fault? Sure. Could I blame that on society and the ever-increasing need for more money? Absolutely. But it’s still mostly my fault.

I’m lucky enough to have a full-time job. A full-time job I do well and doesn’t come with a lot of work-related stress. When 5:00 pm hits, I’m done for the day. I very easily could call that enough and make do with what I make from that. But with the cost of everything in Canada just rising, money would always be incredibly tight (part of this is also my fault, but also not the point of this post). So I do freelance work. And write and self-publish my books. And I started streaming again late last year. And I decided to sell at a couple conventions this year, which means I have to make the crocheted stuff I sell in addition to my books. And then there are things like cleaning, feeding myself, taking care of my cat, having a social life… you know, regular stuff.

Okay, excuse me a minute while I take a minute to calm my breathing because even writing all that made my tense up.

I like being busy, and I’ve never been bored a day in my life, because if I don’t have anything that needs to be done, I will read or play games or something. But the problem lately is I’ve let my shitty time management skills really get away from me, which is leading to me not making progress on anything. I’m sitting here writing this surrounded by half-finished crochet bits and piles of notes for the novel and novella I’m currently working on and hoping to publish this year. Also my streaming setup is to my right and I keep thinking “if I want to build an audience I have to stream regularly and I’m not.”

The pressure to be productive is really getting to me. And I hate it because I’m so aware of it and its impact on me yet I can’t seem to stop.

I have nothing new to say on the topic. We all know by now that the pressure to be productive is dumb and our worth isn’t determined by how much we make or share or post or whatever, but personally I have never felt so attacked by it. Part of it probably has to do with the thought of moving back to Toronto and knowing how much that’s going to cost—let alone how much it’s going to cost to live in Toronto again. I want to have a little bit of money saved so I maybe don’t feel so stressed, but getting to that point is feeling like an almost insurmountable task.

BUT, of course, the first step to stop feeling like you’re overwhelmed is just to start.

Right?

*insert nervous laughter here*

If you’re familiar with my blog at all, you’ll have notice that I did not post an update post for February. I probably won’t do one for March either, and honestly, I might not do them anymore for a while. I’m not sure. It was a low-priority thing for me. Maybe I’ll bring them back when I have more regular updates to share. I’m just honestly not thinking too much about my blog lately, and that’s okay. That was kind of step one. Narrowing my focus. A little bit. A tiny, tiny little bit.

Step two is going to be making heavier use of physical to-do lists and focus apps this week. I desperately need to develop some time-management skills. I love working from home, but it has eroded all time management skills I had. My brain works best with zones (hence the new L-shaped desk for work zone and streaming zone), so I need to stick to them. Writing zone is my chair, and I need to find another zone for crocheting. Whether that’s just sitting in a different way or something, I don’t know yet. My space is limited. I also think I might try getting fully dressed (barf) for day job work hours to help enforce the zones/boundaries in my mind. And try to limit distractions? I dunno.

I’m sort of making this up as I go.

And, like most things that make me turn into a ball of tension and stress, I just have to be kinder to myself and take it a day at a time.

Of course, that’s a task all its own, especially with the world being seemingly gleefully torn apart around us.

Was there much of a point to this post? No. I just felt like I needed to post something.

But before I go, some quick writing updates: A BURNING IN THE BLOOD is progressing slowly, but it is progressing and I’m still hoping to have it out this spring. I need to pick a date soon, but I will have a better idea of that by the end of this week. I did, however, share the cover on my Instagram. Should have done it here first, but like I said, the blog/newsletter is something I keep forgetting about… SIGH. Anyway, here it is!

And GRAVITY WELL will be up next after I send A BURNING IN THE BLOOD to my editor. That one I’m hoping to get out around Halloween because spooky.

Despite the struggles, I am learning a lot about how I’ll have to handle my drafting and publishing schedule going forward, so at least there’s that!

And, right now on stream, I’m playing Expedition 33 and Slay the Spire. Final Fantasy III will be up soon, as well as regular check-ins on my cozy games, Animal Crossing New Horizons, Pokopia, and Dreamlight Valley. Go to my Twitch and follow so you get notified when I go live and you can come and hang out with me! I’m debuting my official PNGTuber art in May! (Temporary art coming soon!)

Also, I saw Project Hail Mary last night and let me just say if this movie doesn’t reignite a passion and desire for physical sets and effects, I don’t know what will. It was stunningly gorgeous and you could actually feel the movie in a way I haven’t been able to in a while. Like the book, it made me hopeful and happy and, ugh. I love hopeful sci-fi so much.

Anyway, I hope you all are safe and finding ways to be happy. Take it easy, hot dogs. 💙